Thursday, June 30, 2011

I read about this in Man and His Symbols…

The animus is the masculine side of the female and the anima is the feminine side of the male.  This expands on Freud's writings that we are all born bisexual and develop normal sexual attraction through our psychosexual development.  According to Jung, we all have an unconscious opposite gender hidden within us and the role of this archetype is to guide us toward the perfect mate.  In other words, we project our animus/anima onto others as they project theirs onto us.  When a match is made, we have found a suitable partner.

Henry Stack Sullivan -- History of Psychology

I also read about Melanie Klein on Robert Young’s site.

Particularly in my childhood…

What's In Your Brain? What's In Your Mind?: This I disagree with…

This may be true in some cases in which sexuality was tabooed…

In his view, infants are drawn to their mother because of the unconscious image of mother that is alive in all of us and that we fear the dark because of the unconscious image of darkness.

What's In Your Brain? What's In Your Mind?

I recollect intense periods of darkness (Dark Eros, Shapiro) but I was not afraid of it, more curious about it…

What's In Your Brain? What's In Your Mind?: This I disagree with…

…like in Three Faces of Eve, when little Eve crawled under the dark house…

This I disagree with…

In his view, infants are drawn to their mother because of the unconscious image of mother that is alive in all of us and that we fear the dark because of the unconscious image of darkness.  Although he described many archetypes in his writings, there are a few that have received a lot of attention and thought.  These include the animus/anima, the shadow, and the self.

Henry Stack Sullivan -- History of Psychology

Mr. Gibbs is deceased…

I don’t want to get out of it Helen, just stop with that crap would you.

This includes that which we put into our minds and brains…

…that which is in the brain being what creates parts of the mind…

What's In Your Brain? What's In Your Mind?: I understand this “unconscious to refer to the mind and not the brain…

I understand this “unconscious to refer to the mind and not the brain…

…unconscious than Freud theorized.  Jung believed that there were fears, behaviors, and thoughts  that children and adults exhibit that are remarkably similar across time and culture.  He believed that this was more than coincidence and represented what he called the collective unconscious.

Henry Stack Sullivan -- History of Psychology

AG is here in the next building I think…

“play some rock and roll…”

Henry Stack Sullivan -- History of Psychology - updated

He described techniques, much like defense mechanisms, that provide tools for people to use in order to reduce social anxiety.  Selective Inattention is one such mechanism.

Henry Stack Sullivan -- History of Psychology

Or avoidance of an issue.   Some people take offense to not being noticed.

Cher, the Native American Indian in early America or the Native African, might be not just a personification but the object of projections of one’s early childhood, as the result of the strict social mores of one’s community that one could only exhibit when one was intoxicated.  I think this would likely be an unconscious process unless one was in touch with one’s childhood.  If one was traumatized, then one would likely project or split off the memories of the trauma that was also part of the childhood.

Sullivan Gibbs – Detective for Greenville Police Department…

Henry Stack Sullivan once said that, “ it is not the trauma, but the scar”.

Kay's Commentary

Oh, I think this is what I was seeing in my dream…

685 Hungary: Folk Dance 1936 Bátai táncok: üveges, ugrós ... - Bing Videos

I suspect my mother’s TV viewing came from some Psychiatrist’s…

interpretation of the teenaged boy who molested me as a voyeur which created her behavior.  My mother was extremely analytical and I think lots of children are but voyeurism is a learned behavior, whether it was learned from peek-a-boo or some other source.

Carousel Man’s saga continues

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Carousel Man takes sabbatical…

To Cher Doll…updated

This came out of my mother’s head…

Monday, June 27, 2011

Body in the Barn…

I think this is one for sure…

Resisting arrest…

one may resist being stopped from completing the drama going on in the mind until there is a resolution.

On a more negative note…

…if someone wishes to attenuate a behavior, or attenuate an habituation, they might project that onto another until that behavior has diminished.  If the object of the projection has weak ego development, then the object may identify with the projection, as in thinking one is a murderer or wrist cutter or experiencing something one has created and might seek to harm one’s self in other ways.

What I mean by acting out…update 3

Excerpt from Acting Out, The Neurosis of Our Time, Milman and Goldman…

Freud originally defined acting out as the compelling urge to repeat the forgotten past. This definition raises a number of important questions.  First of all, what aspect of the past is being repeated in acting out.  Is it an actual event, or is it a fantasy which persists from childhood? On this point Freud is silent. At other stages in his work, Freud repeatedly was faced with the question about whether the individual or the group was reacting to a memory or a fantasy. It will be recalled that the major thrust of his work from the early days was to recall actual memories, but it became more and more impossible to recall these memories, then replaced that demand by the need to reconstruct the event in the known material. In the paper cited, on "Remembering, Healing and Working Through," for the first time he saw the working through of resistances as the hallmark of analysis…

Thus it is really not the memory that becomes important but ego's capacity to tolerate a memory. Sullivan once said that, “ it is not the trauma, but the scar”.  Memory arouses such a strong emotional reaction in the patient that he cannot sit back quietly and tolerate it; accordingly he tries to resort to some action which will obliterate this memory from consciousness. This is why acting-out patients produce so few memories, and the memories they do produce are particularly significant.  By contrast, in the inhibited patient, action is held back by a  variety of fears; many times these patients are outright phobic.Sometimes these patients produce many memories, sometimes they do not. Here the passivity is just as serious a problem as activity in the acting-out patient. Thus again the differentiation does not lie in the action as such, but in the strength of the ego.

What this means is this, by the nature of our brains, memories are created, from our environment (conversations with friends), television radio or whatever we see and hear.   When we consume foods that contain protein, it gets broken down into amino acids that get folded into various other more complex proteins such neurotransmitters that permit us to learn and recall information.  Some proteins like leucine, a branched chain amino acid, produce chemicals like glutamate, and has a direct affect on the brain and long term potentiation.   Methionine is another amino acid that gets folded into a configuration called acetylcholine.  Acetylcholine when released into the synaptic gap, causes the brain to recall information we have collected via our eyes and ears.

If you elevate levels of glutamate, it could deplete levels of acetylcholine, causing an inability to recall information.  Elevating levels of glutamate can cause neurotoxicity and damage to neurons.   GABA is also a neurotransmitter formed from glutamate and glutamine.  It is a neuroinhibitory transmitter and helps regulate the firing of neurons by glutamate.   

Sometimes when our brains are activated by these transmitters, some people will act out something stored in their memory which they have forgotten and because it has been acted out, they can no longer recall it.  But if one recalls what they acted out, then the memory will be retained but in some altered form.   Fantasies are formed in a different way, by one’s will to create the fantasy driven by some desire such as jealousy, envy, love or hate.   Sometimes people act out their fantasies or sometimes cause others to act out their fantasies. 

If we have seen something on the television that is particularly frightening or even novel, we may become traumatized or thrilled, which triggers the brain to release various chemicals in the synaptic gap which then sends a signal to other parts of the body, speeding up our heart rate and releasing stress hormones like cortisol, ( Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, A Clinical Review), that causes us to pay particular attention to the action going on.  This in turn causes us to develop a stronger memory of that incident or behavior that we may act out later.   Other memories can be created by passive attention to what is going on, all is being taken in by the brain and thus can be recalled or acted out.  This is why I threw the plant off my deck, as it might have been part of the content of the mind of someone else.

Having taken excessive amounts of leucine is why I requested the Klonopin as the high levels of glutamate prevented me from sleeping.   And it is my contention that the benzodiazepines are better at blocking the long term potentiation, especially for those who do view television.  Merely instructing someone to forget something does not automatically release GABA into the synapse thus promoting inhibition of the memory.   Not only had I taken the leucine but I also had taken 1000 mgs of choline daily for over a month but for other purposes than to increase recall.

Habituation can occur if the same neurons are fired repeatedly causing the neurons to remain wired together, another reason I felt some benzodiazepine would be more affective which I proved by taking GABA, glycine and taurine, internally but their effects are not long lasting and GABA gets converted back into glutamate which then creates more neuronal excitability and the other amino acids in elevated levels can cause other problems.

I am also of the opinion that this kind of acting out has been construed with emotional acting out in which one will act up when one is emotionally distressed rather than talking about one’s feelings.  In my writings I am referring to the above described not emotional acting out.  In my Commentary on the film, Death In Love, I do mention this kind of acting out.

Update 3:  I.D. Magazine has an interesting article on Buyology, a New Menace Invading Your Brain, which promotes acting out.  This can create conflict in the human brain and mind possibly exhibiting itself as an inability to make decisions or take actions that would be in one’s own best interest.

This is what I have been teaching myself along with other things over the past 10 years.

Kay’s Commentary

Incoming…

“Play it up”..British voice.

Dream this morning…

Court Room, scene from Death In Love, Carol King video on you tube and someone selling coffee…

Copy of dream image 06-27-11

Someone had stolen some money from a cash register, don’t recall anything else right now…I was waiting for my case to be called.against Morgan…

Have seen some of these…

Death Valley Days (TV Series 1952–1975) - IMDb

Death Valley (1982) – IMDb – NS - updated

Death Valley (1982) - IMDb

I do recollect a film about being chased by a killer in an RV, it could be this film but it was long after 1982 that I saw it.   I was not watching a great deal of TV then…

Sunday, June 26, 2011

It looked like this one…updated

Ontario Knife Company 7025 Old Hickory 7 in. Butcher Knife, Hardwood Handle at OutdoorPros.com

It was worn down so that the sharpened side was slightly curved from the tip to the heel.

It’s your guilty consciences talking that up…

What's In Your Brain? What's In Your Mind?: “These are special children and they act out and could be dangerous…

…and the woman upstairs was taking drugs causing me to pop off…

“These are special children and they act out and could be dangerous…

…why they shouldn’t be allowed to have weapons”.

knife

This can be considered a weapon.  It’s been in my house for 5 years or more along with several other knives bigger than this one.

I have never used it on anyone, not even myself, despite all this rambling through Jack the Ripper’s story and having seen numerous other movies involving killing someone with a knife.

1985 I was living with Diane Beaulieu in Cary, NC…

On June 30, 1978 Mark and Patricia’s divorce was finalized and the next month Patricia changed her name to Nury Alexander (on the documents the typed word Nuri is altered by hand replacing the “i” with a “y”.) On October 3, 1985 Castaneda executed an 11-page will in Beverly Hills, California leaving 1/4 of his estate to "Nuri" Alexander.

Patricia Partin - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

This is when I saw the film Flash Dance (Michael Nouri and Jennifer Beal) for the first time.  I met her at Hair By Nature’s Way in 1982.  It was during this time that I became paranoid and left after she took off for the weekend with her boyfriend. 

It was also during this time that Chuck disclosed his personal secret to me.   Shortly after that I went to the WATC for 7 days and began psychotherapy.

I worked for Corning Glass Works and have owned their products…

The only long-term profitable ore to be mined, however, was borax, a mineral used to make soap and an important industrial compound. Today, borax is an essential component of high-temperature resistant boro-silicate glass products, for example some Pyrex glass products. Twenty-mule teams were used to transport ore out of the valley; helping to make it famous and the subject of books, radio programs, television series, and movies.

Death Valley National Park - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I not too long ago purchased some Twenty Mule Team Borax…

Re: Partin…

Stove pipe came up and I immediately thought about Stove Pipe pants which were popular and I had a pair once, purchased a new pair recently…

I AM TIRED OF THESE PEOPLE BUTTING IN ON MY THINGS HERE…STOP…

There was some conversation about putting up trees likes these…

…as a barrier from dust…

Lone Pine CA

That’s correct, I placed a death at Mono Lake before I knew anything…

…about Partin…updated

Tioga Pass Road??????

I did do a similar drawing to this in 1983 or so, stippled, mountains were more like these below…sister has it now…

tioga pass rd

Copy of road and rocks

Copy (2) of road and rocks

Continental Hotel Paris, Vietnam…

Westin Hotel, Paris

The Fine Art of Love…

Mesuline ~ Mesculine…

Indian woman on this blog ~ Botticelli’s Venus…updated

This might coinicide with Durer’s Pond ~ Adam’s Lyell Fork…

Copy of 800px-A_noblewoman_of_Pomeiock_(1590)[1]

Copy of VenusBoticelli[1]

No I snort Vitamin C when I’ve been bombarded with automobile exhaust…updated

…very harsh but it gets the stuff out of my sinuses.  Sometimes I buffer it with sodium bicarbonate…

vitamin C

Science Photo Library

Science Photo Library

https://picasaweb.google.com/impatient.libra/LondonInsaneAsylum#5291685439508166834

Of course the London Asylum image is snow but maybe the person was connecting with something else in the mind…

I landed on another gypsum link before…

Plaster of Paris items I think…updated

Plaster of Paris has also been used to smuggle cocaine across the Mexico-United States border.

Plaster - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

P6130007

I don’t have any help here…

What's In Your Brain? What's In Your Mind?: There are quite a few Italians here…including a previous neighbor…

There are quite a few Italians here…including a previous neighbor…

What's In Your Brain? What's In Your Mind?: “Must give it to us” – I don’t think it’s your…Already gone…

“Must give it to us” – I don’t think it’s your…Already gone…

…back to Italy.

Nbors trying to loot me today…

Plaster

 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plaster#Gypsum_plaster.2FPlaster_of_Paris

What's In Your Brain? What's In Your Mind?: File:Plaster - Putz in Pompeji.JPG - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I mentioned my father often slept with his shoes on while lying on the bed…

Chuck Wade looked like Michelangelo a bit…so did Professor Satterthwaite…

Louis XIV – I think he is also possibly Sappho…

Intonaco ~ Ocanotni ~ Ahkenaton

Intonaco - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

File:Plaster - Putz in Pompeji.JPG - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

File:Plaster - Putz in Pompeji.JPG - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Games at the hospital…

Drawing, ping pong, bingo, cards, gambling could have gone on in the hospital or prison, I played tiddlywinks as a child, made paper mache’ puppets, we played Clue, during summer church activities we made plaster of paris items from molds, which I took a strong liking to and in high school did the plaster mold of the face…

We played Tripoley also known as Michigan Rummy, Monopoly, Hi-Ho Cherry O (not played often at all), Operation, and other similar games…

“Something’s wrong with her”…updated

I was a blue baby and I don’t think it had anything to do with ground water or cyanosis…I think it was one of the nun or the Doctor…he probably wore a blue surgical outfit…The Doctor was a large man robust, taller than my father…Patty Schoolcraft got part of it…she became a nurse…

Caroline, Princess of Hanover - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Caroline, Princess of Hanover - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

There were some Stowes in Hyde County and a little plot called the Stowe Away owned by the Shaeffers…

Stowe School - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Shaeffer pens????????

So someone was working in Silicon Valley manufacturing capacitors…

What's In Your Brain? What's In Your Mind?: This happens to be my birthday, November 18th…updated

…which happens to be close to Fresno and the area where Castaneda’s camp is located.

This happens to be my birthday, November 18th…updated

November 18, 1870. Dr. Maurice Bucke was the second superintendant for the London Asylum (1877-1902).

THE EXPLORATION PROJECT: London Asylum for the Insane - London, Ontario

I saw a man at the Harris Teeter who looks just like this man…

Remember I met Catherine Buck in 1983…

Lake Mattamuskeet at low tide…

Brake on carriage…

…possibly left loose, this may have been dramatized in Little House on The Prarie.

Rough night sleeping…

I woke up at 8:30 AM then went back to sleep.  Just before waking I was having a dream again I had several years ago.   It was about renting an apartment.  I had put my things there and then left without paying rent, then I went back and they were upset.  It seemed like there was a long hall before getting to the room which was next to some mail boxes.  

Pale yellow walls…door handle like on hospital doors…it truck me that it was Highland Park Apartments but it could be anywhere…

I read a piece of news about a woman getting hit by a train recently…

…and I thought about a couple of movies I had seen where a train smacked into a car…

Strange Illusion, 1945…Saw it last night…update 3

IMDb

I found this print at the The Print Shop at University Mall.   It didn’t really mean anything to me at the time.   I started having outbursts, slamming doors in my apartment, then, it was a couple of years later, I found the London Asylum and located the two way mirror there.   I even threw my potted ivy off the deck just like that guy threw his chair through the two way mirror.

I also related this to Bobbye Gibbs for some reason, the main character kind of looks like him in the film.

Notice the tree arched windows.

1895 Derailment at Gare Montparnasse

From The Exploration Project - notice the banner on this site.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

“This girl gets residuals”??????????

Beg your pardon, residuals????????

You are sadly mistaken and like I said you will get me out of this damned music industry.  I won’t say it again…I am serious.

Then I found this around that time maybe 2003, messing with animated gifs…

This was an animated gif had to copy as image to post here…

gates

Then about 5 or 6 years later I come up with this…

Arizona Ave Westminster

Here are the things I created about Hermetics, somewhat related to Hermeneutics…about 2002…updated

I did these also as pages form the drawing…

 cleoptra2 cleoptracleoptra3

hermetic3 hermetic5 hermetic2

I also read about the collective unconscious…

I read an article on Contrasexuals…

I read Projective Identification, Countertransference and the Struggle…

…for Understanding over Acting Out…Waska.

http://jppr.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/reprint/8/2/155

What was in my brain…

…another reason I want the Klonopin…breaks synaptic connections, 28 days…

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Brain associations...

May 30

Re: Associations...

Bernadette Keir, St. Bernadette, Bernadette by the Four Tops, Bernadette Peters, a singer, The Jerk, Steve Martin, craziness, novelette Shop Girl, play I wrote, Lily Tomlin, All of Me, why not take all of me, Ernestine the operator, Edith Ann, big little girl, Saurday Night Live, Rowan and Martin, The Incredible Shrinking Woman, Nine to Five, Jane Fonda Barberella, Flash Gordon, Dolly Parton singer, Best Little Whorehouse In Texas, Burt Reynolds, Smokey and the bandit, Sally fields, Ms. Doubtfire, Mrs. Fields cookies, Demi Moore, Strip Tease, GI Jane, The Jury, Se7en, Alec Baldwin, Anthony Hopkins, The Edge, Beetle Juice, funny scarry, Malice, Hunt for Red October, Geena Davis, Thelma and Louise, suidical maniacs, Susan Sarandon, The Witches of Eastwick, violin player, Jack Nicholson devilish, Cher, Silkwood, Welcome Back to The Five and Dime, Meryl Streep, whitewater rafting, violin teacher, Red Violin, Mrs. Robeson, deceased husband, Beaufort County 1987, court, kidnapping, Army, rapes, drinking, injustice, abandonment, college, photography...I could go on and on and on all night...

Monday, August 21, 2006

Re: music associations...

I made this associations list last night before I went to sleep. These are the lyrics I recalled today:

wise men say only fools rush in, but I can't help falling in love with few, shall I stay wouldn't it be a sin if I can help falling in love with you, like a river flows surely to the sea, darling so it does some things are meant to be, take my hand, take my whole life to, for I can't help falling in love with you... I don't have a wooden heart... move it on over, move over old dog cause a new dog's moving in, Down on the corner...cause baby's got her blue jeans on... down on the corner playing howdy in the streets, there's a new boy playing, singing, its a happy beat... I would gather stars out of the blue, for you, yes baby for you... if you go to a garden party, I wish you a lot if luck, if memories are all I have, I'd rather drive a truck, cause it's all right now, I learned my lesson well you see you can't please everyone so you got to please yourself... for wall to near me, for walls to hear me... love can make you happy if you find someone to give a lifetime to you... if you find someone to share a lifetime... tell Laura I love her, tell Laura I need her, tell not to cry, my love for her will never die... keep away from run around Sue stay away from that girl, you know what she'll do, keep away from Sue, she likes to travel around, yea, she'll love you then she'll put you down, people let me put you wise, Sue goes out with other guys, stay away from that girl... here's the story about Billy and Sue... Song keeps pounding in rhythm to the break, loddi doddie dee, loddie doddie di, and the beat goes on, and the beat goes on,Boo, Boo biddy, talk about the boy from New York City, he's really fine, and he's mine all mine...he's so cute in his mohair suit...he can dance and make romance... holiday, if we took a holiday, took some time to celebrate it would be so nice...in a New York state of mind... please release me let me go, for I don't love you any more, to live this lie would be as soon, release me and let me love again, I have found a new love dear and I will always won't her near, her lips are warm while your s are cold, so release me my darling let me go... it's not unusual to be loved by anyone, is not unusable to have fun with anyone... If I could only find a quiet place to live... Heywood, where have you been, tell me now Haywood, you been on the streets again, I know, I know, Haywood, that man's not your friend... welfare worker, prying into her life, was she someone's wife and where was he...he left her without shred of pride...corazon, mi corazon... like a virgin, touched for the very first time, Caribbean Queen, now we're sharing the same dream...I've been higher than the high Sierra, lower than Death Valley must be, I've been right but mostly wrong, wrong about you, right about me... I got the morning blues, hurt so bad... I'm riding the blue train, over the miles yet to cover... but the women cross the river, they can kill you with their eyes... busted flat in Baton Rouge, waiting for a train, feeling near as faded as my jeans, Bobby thumbed the diesel down just before it rained, drove us all the way to New Orleans, I pulled my harpoon out of my dirty red bandana and was playing soft while Bobby sang the blues,yea, windshield wipers slapping time, holdin Bobby's hand in mine, we sang every song every song that driver knew, feeling good was good enough for me and Bobby McGee... I'll reach out my hand to you, I'll have faith in all you do, just call my name and I'll be, I'll be there to protect you, with a love and respect you, just call my name and I'll be there... Billy Jean's not my lover, she's a girl I once knew... I am the one, the jettison of the sun... dance, dance, dance, keep on dancing... trying to mend the pieces of a broken heart... trying not to fall apart...I will survive... Gloria, Gloria, didn't get your number... last dance, last chance for romance, tonight, I need you by me, beside me to guide me, to hold me, to scold me, because when I'm bad I'm so so bad, so let's dance the last dance tonight... I'm eighteen and I can do what I want, eighteen... don't ever wanna be lonely...don't want to mess with the midnight rider... she was only sixteen, only sixteen, and I loved her so, she was too young to fall in love and I was too young to know, we laughed and we played and did funny things, oh how her face would glow... crazy, thinking my love could hold you, I'm crazy for crying, crazy for trying and I'm crazy for loving you... sweet dreams are made of these who am I to disagree, I traveled the world and the seven seas, everybody's looking for something, hold your head up, keep your head up... here comes the rain again falling on my head like a tragedy... some of them want to use you and some of them want to be used by you... hooked on a feeling, that you're in love with me... feats don't fail me now... Angie,Angie, you can say we tried, Angie, you're beautiful... you can't hide your lying eyes... I liked the way your sparkling earrings lay, against your skin so brown and I want to sleep you in the desert tonight, with a billion stars all around, cause I get a peaceful easy feeling and I know you won't let you down casue I'm already standing on the ground...I get this feeling may know you, as a lover and a friend, this voice keeps whispering in my other ear, tells me I may never see you again, cause I get a peaceful easy feeling and I know you won't let me down, cause I'm already standing, on the ground... gave a girl a ride in my wagon, she crawled in and took control, she was tired her mind was dragging... Cinderella can't you see, I don't want your company take your love and your child away...you are the woman that I've always dreamed of, I knew it from the start, I saw your face and that's the last I've seen of my heart... four that wanna own me, two that wanna stone me, one says she's a friend of mine, take it easy... money, it's a gas... keep your hands off my stash... all in all it's just another brick in the wall... it takes every kind of people to make the world go around... sittin in the morning sun sitting till the evening's done watching the ship's roll in and I watch em roll away again, sitting on the dock of the bay, watching the tide roll away, sitting here arresting my bones and this loneliness won't leave me alone, I have nothing to live for looks like nothing's going to come my way, sitting on the dock of the bay wasting time, look ---nothings gonna change everything still remains the same...

Kay F Gibbs

posted by Kay @ 10:10 PM 0 comments

Some Music Associations...updated

If the subconsious mind creates who we are and how we behave then you can just imagine what my life has been like...here is just some of the music I've listened to:

Tenderly By Kate Smith, Palisades Park, Can't Help Falling In Love Elvis Presley, Wooden Heart Elvis Presley, Move It on Over Hank Williams, Baby's Got Her Blue Jeans, For You Ricky Nelson, Four Walls Jim Reeves, Kitty Wells Songs, How Great Thou Art George Beverly Said, And The Band Played On, Love Can Make You Happy, Tell Laura I Love Her, Leader Of The Pack, Run Around Sue, Billy And Sue, The Beat Goes On, Everybody's Out Of Town, Boy From New York City, New York City Woman, New York State Mind, Release Me, Is Not Unusual, Quiet Nights, Handy Panky, Holiday, Like A Virgin, Caribbean Green, High Sierra, Morning Blues, Blue Train, Women Cross The River, Down On Me Janis Joplin, Me And Bobby McGee, People Barbara Streisand, Queen Bee, Everything, A Star Is Born, I'll Be There, Billy Jean, Thriller, Dance Dance Dance, I Will Survive, Gloria, Last Dance, MacArthur Park, Eighteen Alice Cooper, Midnight Rider, Eat A Peach Allman Brothers, Melissa, Waitin For The Bus, Patsy Cline Crazy, Anytime, Sweet Dreams, Hooked On A Feeling, ZZ Top Songs, Joe Walsh The Smoker You Drink The Drunker You Get, J Geils Band, Little Feat, Rolling Stones, Girl From Yesterday, Tequila Sunrise, Lying Eyes, Peaceful Easy Feeling, Take It To The Limit, Taking Care Of Business, Chevy Van, Cinderella, Mexico, You Are the Woman,Take It Easy, Roll Over Beethoven, Topographic Oceans Yes, Money Pink Floyd, Brick In The Wall, Every Kind Of People, Lido, Georgia, Harbor, Harbor Lights, Red Sails In The Sunset, Dock Of The Bay, Hang On Sloopy, Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia, Higher And Higher Rita Coolidge, I Got You Babe, Dark Lady, Shoop Shoop Song, Different Drum, Hey Mister That's Me Up On The Juke Box Linda Ronstadt, Silver Threads, Prisoner In Disguise, Born To Be Wild, Lean On Me, He Aint Heavy, Goin Up The Country don't you wanna go, I'm goin goin where the water taste like wine I'm goin where the water taste like wine, jump in the water and stay drunk all the time..., Let It All Hang Out, Shake A Tail Feather, Shake, Shake Shake, Shake Your Groove Thing, Pina Colada Song, She's A Lady, Oh What A Night, American Pie, American Woman, Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog, Color My World, Horse With No Name, Fire And Rain, Sunshine, Take Me Home Country Roads, Take Me Home Cher, Take Me, Apron Strings, Rock Around The Clock, Muskrat Song, Monday Monday, Carpenter Songs, Make It With You, Guitar Man, Diary, Poetry Man, It Must Be Sunday, No Show Tonight, Morning After, Take The Ribbons, Ruby Don't Take Your Love To Town, Divorce, I Never Promised You A Rose Garden, Stand By Your Man, You Aint' Woman Enough, Blue Hawaii, Day By Day, It's So Nice, Knock Three Times, The Night Has A Thousand Eyes, Seventeen, It Aint Me Babe, Lookin Out My Back Door, Spinning Wheel, Third Rate Romance, Emma Jean, Out in the Snow, Life's Railway, Black Water, Long Train Running, Listen to the Music, It don't Matter to Me, The Associations, Valley of the Dolls, Wonderful Tonight, Impossible Dream, Bird Dog, I'd rather be a sparrow than a snail, Simon and Garfunkel, Bridge Over Troubled Water, Celia, Black Cow, Rain Song Led Zepplin, Aija, Smoke on the Water, If, Sylvia, Walking in the Rain, Walk Like an Egyptian, White Rabbit, Easy to Forget, Walk on By, Folsom Prison Blues, Hey Paula, Tell it Like It Is, This Land is your land, Shaft, Car Wash, Stormy Weather Viola Wills and Lena Horne, The Hustle, Blowin in the Wind, King of the Road, Dang Me, dang me, they oughta take a rope and hang me, high from the highest tree, woman don't cha weep for me..., Photographs and Memories, Don't Mess Around with Jim, Reflections, Operator would you help me place this call...

“She cannot hear that”…

12/14/2003 I posted the words, “We Got Him” on my website…

I read an article about Interoceptive Biofeedback and music…

Blue Scout Chronology

 

July 28, 1978 – Patricia Silliphant files for a change of name to Nury Alexander. She lists her birthplace as Pasadena and date as September 4, 1957. She states that her place of residence is 1376 ½ Midvale, Los Angeles, and that the reason for the change is: "At present I am preparing myself for a career in show business. I am cognizant of the fact that it is very important to have a name that would enhance my chances to succeed. I believe that the name I have chosen, Nury [the typed word "Nuri" is altered by hand to replace the "i" with a "y"] Alexander, has a fluidity to it which will help me in my chosen profession." She also claims that her father is deceased and that she has no known relatives (both of which claims were false at the time). L.A. Superior Court No. WEC 54721. Decree changing name filed on Sept. 11, 1978.]

Blue Scout Chronology

Image129

Letter of confirmation that I was in the Salvation Army in 1995-96…

I was also in the Sally in Raleigh for one night.  It was so noisy I left and slept in the park at Morgan Square.

Image129

I did see the movie Blob in the 60’s I think it was…

In Castaneda’s next "dreaming" session, he reaches the shadows’ world and his dreaming attention is "inescapably attracted to that blob of energy. In

Blue Scout Chronology Part II

File:Istanbul-galatatower.jpg - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia - updated

File:Istanbul-galatatower.jpg - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The author of this image is in no way connected to me nor is associated with any information on this blog.

This could have been a closer view than in the photo of Istanbul…I did do a search on the Tower of Pisa not long after these photos were taken…

File:Istanbul-galatatower.jpg

dream vision image oven2

Someone looking out the window…

KAY5

sephora windows Kay in Alabama -  Davis Library

P.D. Midgyette owned the ice plant in Engelhard…

I began practicing Yogic meditations and postures in 1986…

and the Way of the Yogi, dealing with the mind.

P. D. Ouspensky - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

“see many Doctors do not understand the things in the mind that can manifest themselves in the body of an other wise healthy person”…don’t know where this came from…

Some of this sounds like Gurdjieff and Ouspensky – The Fourth Way…

Castaneda is told that all he has to do to stay is to state his intention to do so out loud, because "[e]verything you say out loud in this world is for keeps." Id. Castaneda is suspicious that he is being tricked, but the voice tells him, "I cannot lie to you, because a lie doesn’t exist . . . I can tell you only about what exists. In my world, only intent exists; a lie has no intent behind it; therefore, it has no existence." pp. 114-15. When Castaneda thinks to himself that "there is intent even behind lies," the emissary supposedly responds "behind lies there is intention but that intention is not intent." p. 115.

Blue Scout Chronology Part II

I was put into seclusion in 1989…

…then I was beaten up in jail in September, 1994.

David Mason, the sheriff who arrested me in 1997, mentioned to me…

July 28, 1978 – Patricia Silliphant files for a change of name to Nury Alexander. She lists her birthplace as Pasadena and date as September 4, 1957. She states that her place of residence is 1376 ½ Midvale, Los Angeles, and that the reason for the change is: "At present I am preparing myself for a career in show business. I am cognizant of the fact that it is very important to have a name that would enhance my chances to succeed. I believe that the name I have chosen, Nury [the typed word "Nuri" is altered by hand to replace the "i" with a "y"] Alexander, has a fluidity to it which will help me in my chosen profession." She also claims that her father is deceased and that she has no known relatives (both of which claims were false at the time). L.A. Superior Court No. WEC 54721. Decree changing name filed on Sept. 11, 1978.]

Blue Scout Chronology

…that I could change my name.  I was taken aback by his comment as I had never considered doing such a  thing.

I see someone going into their handbag, pulling out what seems…updated

…to be cash and spreading it like a deck of cards.  It could be a deck of cards, someone’s gambling…probably at the casino…

Could be my relatives gambling, cleaning up the baggage…

I met Alexandra in 1974…

July 28, 1978 – Patricia Silliphant files for a change of name to Nury Alexander.

Blue Scout Chronology

May Gibbs - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia - updated

May Gibbs - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

She’s probably put over by one of the aborigine…or a Lyon…

I wanted to write a few children’s books and then write a book about my prison experience but it seems I got bumped out of it by a bunch of greedy head hunters…

"I know for a fact Dan Brown's been tapping her ass..."

I don't help down and out writers nor did I know I was...

...connected to any writer as they were doing it without my knowledge or consent and I certainly had no idea I could possibly be connected to anyone nearly 1000 miles away.

I recognize quite a few of the novels on the list previously posted.

They sit around writing and wrecklessly conjuring up things without any knowledge of who they might be connected to as my own experience proves quite clearly.

Maybe Partin was changing her mind and going to become a Psychologist, maybe why they thought she might be dangerous to them, I cannot say.

Popular books published in 1998...

http://www.goodreads.com/book/popular_by_date/1998

“Killing two birds with one stone”, dialogue in a novel?

I did find this Kaye Gibbon novel, not me by they way...

On the Occasion of My Last Afternoon, 1998.


I certainly gave her no permission to write for me.

“My, my, my, we got us a real live psychic here”…

I heard this shortly after I started writing, 1999, after I got my PC here.   For some reason I thought it was Charles Manson.

I became conscious of my first psychic experience after I fell asleep and had a vision of the mailman leaving various things in my mail box and I woke up and found the letter I had seen in the box.  My neighbor frequently spoke to the mail man I did not.

I found a guitar and other things in there. 

“This girl’s dangerous to us”,  I’ve heard that frequently.

Hermeneutics came up in 2000, I even started constructing a web page about it…

Applied Hermeneutics

What's In Your Brain? What's In Your Mind?

What happened in chronological order…

Gibbs/Partin…
A few days ago as I was crossing the parking lot to the sidewalk…

at the mall I saw a man in a car that appeared to have a long grayish beard.  When I looked back at him he had his right hand up to his mouth.

I was certain of what I say and my first impression was that he looked like Kelly Adams with a long beard, then I realized it could be one of my relatives, DW Gibbs or Henry Gibbs, both who had beards.

I thought I was seeing things.

She looks like the person I know to be Debra Parker…

I did not think about this until today…

Patricia Partin - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

…who I met in the US Army in 1974.

This would connect Partin with the Tuzigoot Monument in Arizona and possibly the Humber crossing…

I have seen this…update 3

"The more intense my elation and curiosity, the heavier I became, until a moment in which I was so massive that I was back in my body, and back in the world." p. 121. He finds himself on the grass at UCLA in a line of people playing golf. "

Blue Scout Chronology Part II

Blob – Mama Cass Elliot…???  I keep hitting on her a lot…

Update 3:  Arrowhead Mills…mill house floor,  black people employed…I heard Erin McKeown’s song, Blackbirds, on a cd sample from School Kid’s records in 1999 and immediately liked the song.

I fully understand and have experienced what Castenada is talking about here…updated

…but only for a short period of time and I was out when I went into this state.  I have been able to do it in my sleep.

It is possible that this could be what happened to Partin…

During another dreaming visit, Castaneda is supposedly gliding through the tunnels when he comes to a halt "in a tunnel that seemed somehow larger than the others. My dreaming attention became riveted on the size and configuration of that tunnel, and it would have stayed glued there had I not been made to turn around. My dreaming attention focused then on a blob of energy a bit bigger than the shadow entities. It was blue, like the blue in the center of a candle’s flame." p.120. He recognizes that it is not a shadow entity but foreign, and becomes "absorbed in sensing it," ignoring the efforts of the scout that brought him to signal him to leave. "Suddenly, a considerable force made me spin around and put me squarely in front of the blue shape. As I gazed at it, it turned into the figure of a person: very small, slender, delicate, almost transparent." Id. He tries unsuccessfully to determine its gender, to ask the emissary about it, and then to talk to this entity. He senses a barrier between them that he can’t break, and then experiences a variety of reactions: "I even felt elation, because I knew that the scout had finally shown me another human being caught in that world. I only despaired at the possibility that we were not able to communicate perhaps because the stranger was one of the sorcerers of antiquity and belonged to a time different from mine." Id.

"The more intense my elation and curiosity, the heavier I became, until a moment in which I was so massive that I was back in my body, and back in the world." p. 121. He finds himself on the grass at UCLA in a line of people playing golf. "The person in front of me had solidified at the same rate. We stared at each other for a fleeting instant. It was a girl, perhaps six or seven years old. I thought I knew her. On seeing her, my elation and curiosity grew so out of proportion that they triggered a reversal. I lost mass so fast that in another instant I was again a blob of energy in the inorganic beings’ realm. The scout came back for me and hurriedly pulled me away." Id. Castaneda wakes up with a fright, and supposedly spends much of the next two days trying to determine what happened. "After a few days, a dark and mysterious certainty began to get hold of me, a certainty that grew by degrees until I had no doubt about its authenticity: I was sure that the blue blob of energy was a prisoner in the inorganic beings’ realm." Id.

Blue Scout Chronology Part II

Blue Scout Chronology Part II

In Castaneda’s next "dreaming" session, he reaches the shadows’ world and his dreaming attention is "inescapably attracted to that blob of energy. In a matter of seconds, I was next to it." Id. "All of a sudden, the blue, round shape turned into the little girl I had seen before. She craned her thin, delicate, long neck to one side and said in a barely audible whisper, ‘Help me!’ . . . . I stood frozen, galvanized by genuine concern." Id. He senses that he is experiencing feelings back in his physical body, which is asleep in bed, the awareness of which suddenly causes the other shadow beings to scurry away, leaving him alone with the little girl. "I watched her and became convinced that I knew her. She seemed to falter as if she were about to faint. A boundless wave of affection for her enveloped me." p. 126. He tries to direct his thoughts to her, but feels them blocked "by a membrane of energy I could not pierce. The little girl seemed to understand my despair and actually communicated with me, directly into my thoughts. She told me, essentially, what don Juan had already said: that she was a scout caught in the webs of that world.

Blue Scout Chronology Part II

This is the day of my birthday, I was in Wilmington, NC or traveling between there and Raleigh, NC…

November 18, 1995 – At that day’s Sunday session, Castaneda talked about the Blue Scout, who was not present, claiming she was "always alert and used words with maximum effect." He told us she argued with him a lot as to how he should be using his energy (i.e., that he should be "storing it up to make the leap"), and told us she did not approve of him meeting with our group "all the time." Castaneda told us, "I do not say anything." Now, after the November 1995 workshop, she had supposedly suggested to him to get the group together on a Sunday "so that she can read something to you." Castaneda claimed that he acted like he was not meeting with us anymore, supposedly responding, "Uhh, Kylie can probably dig up their numbers to call them together again." Castaneda then looked for Adam and Michael Salter to specifically ask them not to say anything to the Blue Scout about the Sunday sessions [since they often saw her around UCLA where they lived].

Blue Scout Chronology Part III

My car was broken into in Wilmington, NC at the Salvation Army shelter…

January 1996 – Cleargreen begins publishing Castaneda’s The Warrior’s Way: A Journal of Applied Hermeneutics. Four issues are mailed to subscribers before the journal is terminated in Spring 1996. Castaneda proudly informs the Sunday group that Nury is primarily responsible for the design and artwork on the Journal, although the design credit contained in the journal itself is "Journal design by Elaby Gaethen." This is clearly a pseudonym for Nury. The second and third issues, for February and March, each contain a poem authored by "the Blue Scout." The March poem is entitled "Angels’ Flight." The February poem, entitled "The Conception of a B.F.," reads as follows:

Blue Scout Chronology Part IV

I had an accident in my car in Wilmington, NC…

February 4, 1996 – Sunday session with Castaneda.

Blue Scout Chronology Part IV

Went to Durham, VA was prescribed Klonopin…

March 31, 1996 – Sunday session with Castaneda

Blue Scout Chronology Part IV

Drifted back and forth from Greenville to Raleigh to Wilmington again…

July 20-25, 1996 - Intensive Tensegrity Workshop at UCLA’s Pauley Pavilion at which Castaneda, the three Witches and "Marie Alexander" (the Blue Scout) all spoke.

Blue Scout Chronology Part IV

went to the IFC shelter, got kicked out…was caught in Hurricane Fran in September in Durham…then went to Engelhard…

My mother’s husband was a commercial fisherman – I was stopped by the sheriff and hauled to jail for driving without a license…

November 3, 1996 – Sunday session with Castaneda

Castaneda told us he used to fish for information about Taisha and Florinda from don Juan. Don Juan would say something like, "Florinda is having a strange time with her father," and Castaneda, his ears pricking up, would respond, "Oh, yes? What’s happening?" But don Juan would not fall for it; he would just point out to him, "You’re fishing." But the Blue Scout, he claimed, "is an artist at getting information like that, because she ‘sees.’" He said she would come to him and synopsize something that was happening. She would put out so many details that were right that he just assumed that she knew, so he would say a little bit more about it. Then she would get horribly angry and say, "Why didn’t you tell me!" Then he would realize she "didn’t know, that she just got it out of me," and he would not believe he had fallen for it again. "But it happens all the time. She mesmerizes me."

He claimed that she "mesmerized me when she was seven years old." He asserted that he took care of her for awhile when she was seven and did the same thing to him.

Blue Scout Chronology Part IV

I was in Engelhard biking around town, taking the Taurine and MSM Tyrosine again – corrections…

November 29-December 1, 1996 - Pasadena Workshop at the Pasadena Center Exhibition Building.

Castaneda, Florinda, Carol and Taisha spoke, and Nury read the chapter from the book in progress, "Memorable Events" (published in 1998 as The Active Side of Infinity), about Carol Tiggs’s return. [This chapter was not included in the final, published version of The Active Side of Infinity.]

Blue Scout Chronology Part IV

I was living at Mattamuskeet Village until February 1997 at which time I was evicted, then stayed with my cousin Elizabeth until I could make other arrangements.   Finally moved in with another cousin.

While living with my cousin, I watched Sonny and Cher show in TV Land Channel and recall watching Snow White, Night of Terror.   In August they had started up the grain dryer behind my Aunt’s house.  I remember stashing a valium I was given for a procedure which I never got basically because I forgot about it, and took one.  I laid down in bed and I suddenly felt like I had died.  I thought it was my grandmother who had already passed.

got kicked out of my apartment in February 1997…

February 15-16, 1997 - Intensive Review Workshop on the Cal State University Long Beach campus. [Nury read the chapter from the book in progress, "Memorable Events" (published in 1998 as The Active Side of Infinity), detailing Castaneda’s encounter with the three inorganics in the desert who ask him for a ride. In it, Castaneda described the three as "a writer, an aspiring agent and a lesbian" (but strangely failed to connect up these descriptions with the obvious current counterparts of these "inorganics": the three whom he had previously referred to as "cyclic beings" in other workshops—Bruce Wagner, Tracy Kramer and Zaia Alexander—who had first known each other in grade school. [This chapter was not included in the final, published version of The Active Side of Infinity.]

Blue Scout Chronology Part V

I was living at Mattamuskeet Village until February 1997 at which time I was evicted, then stayed with my cousin Elizabeth until I could make other arrangements.   Finally moved in with another cousin.

While living with my cousin, I watched Sonny and Cher show in TV Land Channel and recall watching Snow White, Night of Terror.   In August they had started up the grain dryer behind my Aunt’s house.  I remember stashing a valium I was given for a procedure which I never got basically because I forgot about it, and took one.  I laid down in bed and I suddenly felt like I had died.  I thought it was my grandmother who had already passed.

I was with my sister and brother-in-law and niece for a short time…

February 7-8, 1998 - Not-Doing Workshop at Pomona Fairplex Convention Center.

Blue Scout Chronology Part V

There was a disagreement and I left and went to Wilmington, NC stayed at the Roadway Inn - swirling dervishes…

Roamed around Greenville and Raleigh again, sleeping in the streets.  Then finally went back to Engelhard, NC.

Got up with Don and he offered me his place as he was not going to be around…I stayed there for a short time and started to write.

Don Green's

big house on Elm Street WEstwood, CA

Got paranoid and left.   Lived in the barn for awhile, then got tired of the insanity and got my sister to take me to Cherry Hospital, was there for a short time and was transferred to the Durham, VA and then went to stay with a male friend on Elm Street in Carrboro, NC.  From there I got my own place where I have remained to the present.

I was raped in 1993…
Blue Scout…updated

4492096421_86c24e00ba

Did this in prison I think…or Cherry Hospital…

dead tree img

Posted by Kay F Gibbs at 10:06 PM 0 comments Links to this post

Elm Street houses…updated

the bottom one most resembles the one in which I lived, in Carrboro, NC

elm street house 2

The yellow mark indicates the area where I slept one night while in my car…

elm street house 3, westwood, CA elm street, westwood CA

I met Renata in 1994…

at the Ark Shelter in Raleigh with her boyfriend…she was pregnant.

Posted by Kay F Gibbs at 11:05 PM 0 comments Links to this post

Kyle ~ China Moon…

Posted by Kay F Gibbs at 11:40 PM 0 comments Links to this post

The house in Carrboro, NC where I stayed for 8 months…

…there was an incident and I had to leave and went to Options shelter for a short time and hocked my portable word processor…

elm street carrboro, nc

Carolyn was a roommate after I was dragged out of the lake…

The scout took us, in the blink of an eye, to where you were lying, half dead, and Carol dragged you out." Id. Don Juan also advises him, "You did free the scout . . . but you gave up your life. Or, worse yet, you gave up your freedom. The inorganic beings let the scout go, in exchange for you." pp. 139.

Blue Scout Chronology Part II

Carolyn was a roommate after I was dragged out of the lake…

The scout took us, in the blink of an eye, to where you were lying, half dead, and Carol dragged you out." Id. Don Juan also advises him, "You did free the scout . . . but you gave up your life. Or, worse yet, you gave up your freedom. The inorganic beings let the scout go, in exchange for you." pp. 139.

Blue Scout Chronology Part II

Friday, June 24, 2011

She looks like Dianne Sawyer…

Morag Hood - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The house in Carrboro, NC where I stayed for 8 months…

…there was an incident and I had to leave and went to Options shelter for a short time and hocked my portable word processor…

elm street carrboro, nc

I met Renata in 1994…

at the Ark Shelter in Raleigh with her boyfriend…she was pregnant.

Kyle ~ China Moon…

I think the big L’s been doing it up here…

Someone must have had some neck surgery..

Kay F. Gibbs

You look like a little butterball ~ turkey, Butterball Turkeys…updated

This is when longneck got into it…

Incoming…

I was hearing this and recorded it in one of my dreams…I was in a car with someone in my dream…

“I don’t like the atmosphere in here”…

“I don’t give a damn if you don’t like the atmosphere in here you can get the god damn hell out”…

Elm Street houses…updated

the bottom one most resembles the one in which I lived, in Carrboro, NC

elm street house 2

The yellow mark indicates the area where I slept one night while in my car…

elm street house 3, westwood, CA elm street, westwood CA

Blue Scout…updated

4492096421_86c24e00ba

Did this in prison I think…or Cherry Hospital…

dead tree img