I no longer suffer, it doesn’t mean I have no fear of it…

From: "Kay F Gibbs"
To: "Positive Atheism Magazine" <editor@positiveatheism.org>
Subject: Re: Forum: Do You Suffer from Burgess's 'Vestigial Fear of Hell'?
Date: Friday, September 15, 2000 9:43 AM

It's funny you should ask this specific question. First let me introduce myself. My name is Kay and I am neither a committed Atheist nor a committed Theist and I'm not "riding the fence" but more to the point, I'm searching for the truth. Let me say now, that "there is no physical hell." If you make a mistake or commit a crime, I cannot say that you will not suffer some emotional response or maybe go to jail, but "God will not send you to some fiery Hell."

If you go to jail, it may "feel" like hell. I struggled with this "psychological" problem for nearly twenty years of my life. I was tormented by the movie "The Exorcist" for 15 years. I don't just mean scared but suffered such a degree of unbearable mental anguish that I nearly destroyed myself from abusing alcohol and drugs because I was afraid to go to sleep at night for fear of being "possessed." "My" fear lead me down a road I would never wish on anyone.

The best years of my life were wrecked. Why? Because I didn't understand anything beyond what I had been taught. The only thing I had been taught psychologically was religion and I just couldn't get it until now. The minister we had when I was growing up taught us ... tried to "control" us with his "hell fire and damnation" sermons. Before that, in order to become a "member" of the church I had to read the first four chapters of the New Testament. I was only 12 years old. I didn't understand anything I read but I believed it. I didn't understand the difference between "belief" and "truth". I never discussed it with my parents.

When I was a Junior-Senior in high-school I still attended church until I realized how hypocritical the members of the church were. This I did not understand. People were judging other members of the church and passing judgment on other Religions. We were not suppose to do that. That was the last time I attended church on a regular basis. I tried other religions, Catholicism, Unitarian, Baptist, etc. I tried reading about different religions, Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam, Judaism, etc. None of them seemed to give me the answers or understanding I was looking for.

I joined Alcoholics Anonymous, still looking for answers. I read the "Big Book" and "worked" the 12 steps. That opened a door for me, but it didn't keep me away from alcohol. I ended up in a treatment center. There I met Dr. Mary Ann McNeil. She was the first person in nearly 6 years of attending AA that finally helped me understand I could possibly be "addicted" to alcohol. I had studied Psychology in college and some in highschool, so I decided to give it a shot. This is when I began to "feel free", because I began to understand "myself."

In 1987-88 I discovered Bertrand Russell's book, "Why I am not a Christian." Finally, here was someone I could identify with, even if it was only through a book he had written and it seemed he was honest. Then I discovered Carl Jung. The first book I read was "Man and his Symbols." Here, Jung helped me understand "my fear of being possessed." This opened up a whole new way of thinking for me. I also read "The Power of Belief," well I could take up a lot of space listing books I've read. Some of the titles I've even forgotten.

To move on, I eventually came across the Psychiatric term "catharsis." I then realized the AA 4th step was the same thing. One of the helpful aspects of the 4th step is "writing things down." So you can rid yourself of the thoughts that cause your fear by writing them down and telling someone, which in essence is what you have done here. I keep a journal now, and I keep a dream journal. I would like to say one last thing.

In my pursuit of "is there a God or isn't there," I gained some insight. After pondering the book of Genesis, I concluded that the person who wrote the book, was giving an account of his own personal experience with the understanding that he had at the time and I believe that person to be Moses. The Hebrews chose Moses to be their leader and Moses then became "God" to his people, and lead them out of Egypt. I also believe in his efforts to save his people, he wrote the ten commandments. For example, when he wrote, "Do not take God's name in vain, I think he meant, "I will give you my name, honor it. So, let me say this, in this respect God does exist, as today we have many elected and many self-appointed "Gods" or leaders.

They can lead you any where you want if you allow them to, i.e. Bill Wilson, creator of the AA 12 steps, David Koresh, Farrakhan, Malcolm X, Jim Jones, our President, Bill Gates, Donald Trump, Linus Pauling, Bertrand Russell, Jesus Christ and so forth and so on.

So to answer the question "Do you suffer from Burgess's 'Vestigial Fear of Hell'"? The answer is emphatically, no.

Do You Suffer From Anthony Burgess's 'Vestigial Fear Of Hell'? J. Gaslin (Forum) (9-00)